I’m almost gone..
https://youtu.be/nh_LJCIOPao
Do you ever find yourself with nothing left inside you. After years or torturer, pain, loneliness, emptiness, love, depression and everything and anything else that you have to deal with on the daily, has anyone else who or why your even here, because you no longer living, your existing. You play the game, of moving on, but there is nothing to move towards for you. The very core of you’re soul has been broken in pieces, with no way to repair.
You have given so much of your self to others, money, time, and your very life. You keep doing this, giving and being polite to others, that’s just how you are, you want to make others happy, its just something some people own. after so much giving, people learn that they can take anything and everything from you very easily, and you do it, one after another. We think, hey, if I buy them this, or take them here or there, that they are my friends and, that is something you always wanted in your life, so we take all the crap they give you and become a atm machine. They learn to play you and you think its because they care, and want to hang out, be friends, but the truth is they found the right buttons to push and they play you like a violin.
It’s only when when they get bored or you, bleed you dry or you finally realize that this isn’t right. It’s to late though, they left you in the rain, so cold, so humiliated and so empty that there is no light left in you, no one really loves you, or even wants to be a friend, the one thing that we all want, someone like ourselves, and for me that was a gay friend.
Social media and apps are the best poison that has ever existed. It shows you what you should look like, how you should be, showing only the most beautiful people, and we eat it up like crazy. A new dance hits and its redone on a million sites, the stupid's things, like balancing water bottles to land up right, and the dangers things as well, we are nothing more than how many subscribers we have, that has become social normative and you will be called out, and fade away if you don’t play the game. The stereotypes they portray , leave us thinking we are less than or not good enough to have the things you see they do. They make it look so easy and fun, but its just words and images, nothing like real life.
So what now? For me I’m done, I don’t feel a thing anymore. There is just darkness and the unwillingness to hold on to somethings I will never have. Simple things, like a friend like me, a lover, happiness, and to have something to live for that is my own. Time will tell what will happen now, to end all the suffering, or a miracle to come. The first options sounds good…
